


🏺💥😈

by katychan666



Series: Texting Series [8]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Texting, emojis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 21:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18018470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Lorenzo insults Magnus.Alec protects his husband."Evil" Alec is born 😈😈😈





	🏺💥😈

Magnus was beyond pissed off as he portalled back home from the warlock meeting, slamming the door shut as he stomped over into the living room, fuming with anger. Alec was catapulted straight onto his legs and he quickly placed the book he had been reading down and narrowed his eyes. Well, he kind of expected that since he knew Magnus was coming back from a warlock meeting. Lorenzo Rey was attending it as well, so no wonder that Magnus was acting like this. The asshole always managed to push just the right buttons and Magnus was always coming back from the meetings pissed as hell. Alec was always prepared, ready to help his boyfriend, who was now standing in the middle of the room, facial expression softening up as soon as he saw Alexander.

 

“Alexander,” whined Magnus and literally ran into his boyfriend's arms, which quickly wrapped around him and held him close, hand drawing uneven circles on Magnus’ back as the hunter allowed the warlock to get some time to calm down properly. Still shaking with anger, Magnus hid his face into Alec's shoulder and took in a deep breath. Okay, that  _ kind of _ helped and he smiled when he felt Alec's lips on his cheek.

 

“Shhh,” whispered Alec. “What happened this time?” he asked as he was still holding Magnus close, who pulled back a little bit, wanting to look Alec's face as they talked. Alec's eyes always helped him calm down and he bit his lower lip.

 

“It was horrible,” said Magnus and shuddered. “Alexander, he made me look like a completely useless High Warlock,” he said and looked down. “Saying how I always offer my services to the Clave, which is  _ not  _ true. I fucking hate the Clave. And also went on and on how I'm always siding with Shadowhunters. Fucking asshole. I wanted to punch him, Alexander,” he then, almost spitting. He was so pissed and Alec kissed him again, grumbling. Lorenzo Rey was a classified asshole and Alec wanted to get back at him. Luckily, he knew just the way… press where it hurt the most.

 

“You're the best High Warlock this city has ever had,” said Alec. That was all that was needed to put a stop at Magnus’ anger. Well, not quite, but it was a start. “He's just jealous because you're awesome and have such an awesome boyfriend,” said Alec, Magnus snorting but he couldn't disagree. Alexander was amazing. “And luckily for you, I know of a way to get back at him,” he said with a wink.

 

Magnus blinked a few times. Revenge? Usually he wouldn't support that, but now he was fully on board and his eyes darkened. Magnus snapped his fingers, dark red magic being visible and Alec narrowed his eyes. “So what did you have in mind?” asked Magnus and laughed. “Torture yes? Great. Let's go capture the asshat and show him who's the boss,” rambled Magnus. Yet, even though he was plotting torture, to Alec he was adorable. Yes, he had a problem and he knew it, but he couldn't help it. Alec burst into laughter and made Magnus lower his hand, magic fizzling out.

 

“I had a bit of a different approach in mind. Isn't worth going to prison if we get caught torturing the idiot. But,” said Alec and went to sit down onto the couch and he pulled out his phone. “This is all the weapons we need,” he said and Magnus gave him an unsure look.

 

“What even are you planning to do?” asked Magnus, trying his best not to roll his eyes.

 

“Come here and enjoy the show,” said Alec and Magnus went to sit down. Truth be told; Alec plus texting equaled quite the deadly combination, so he was amused to see what his boyfriend had in mind. In the end, Alexander made Magnus sit in his lap and thus the game was afoot! Alec had Lorenzo's number, but luckily for them, Lorenzo didn't have his. Perfect! A little devious grin spread across Alec's lips and he cleared his throat.

 

**Alec:** _ I have kidnapped your most private possession. If you ever want to see your precious pot again, you better do as I say. Or else, the pot gets it. _

 

Alec was cackling as he wrote that, Magnus arching an eyebrow. “Oh, right, Magnus,” said Alec and Magnus turned to him. “Can you do your thing and portal one of his precious pots over here?” he then said and Magnus laughed out loud. That was his plan, to scare Lorenzo on such an immature manner. Lorenzo was immature as well…  _ an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. _ Well! Magnus was game and he quickly snapped his fingers. Surprisingly, Lorenzo's wardings was off so he quickly summoned a few of the pots and carefully stored them on the side. He intended on keeping them safe, they did nothing wrong, after all.

 

“You're a genius,” said Magnus and Alec nodded. The phone quickly buzzed and Lorenzo replied. Well that was fast! No wonder, though, since it was about his precious pots. Lorenzo was always fast to respond when his babies were in danger and Alec started chuckling when he saw the reply from Lorenzo.

 

**Lorenzo:** _ Excuse me, but who the hell is this? _

**Alec:** _ You shouldn’t be too concerned about who I am. You should be more concerned about your precious vases. Now, will you do as I say? _

**Lorenzo:** _ What the hell are you talking about? _

**Alec:** *attached photo of three vases*

**Alec:** _ Now, where were we…? _

 

Alec was softly laughing, while Magnus, who was sitting on top of Alec, was rubbing his palms together. Oh, he couldn’t wait for Lorenzo’s reply. He could already tell that now Lorenzo was probably panicking, going over his whole apartment to find the stolen vases. He probably thought it was all a prank before, but now he would see that it was real and he was going to be shitting his pants. And after what Lorenzo had put his through that day, Magnus was living for this. Oh, it was good to be bad! Revenge was sweet!

 

Alec waited for a bit and soon, Lorenzo indeed replied.

 

**Lorenzo:** _ Tell me your name! Who are you and what have you done with my things? You complete imbecile. Those things are more valuable than your miserable little life, so if you value your life, you will tell me what you’re planning to do with them. If they’re not returned to me in one piece, I will burn your heart out. I will skin you alive. You will suffer, I will torture you. _

 

Alec blinked a few times and Magnus was laughing yet again. Oh, right, this was Lorenzo when he was scared! Trying to intimidate the opponent, but it wasn’t working at all. Alec was just grinning as well and he waggled his eyebrows. “He’s shitting his pants as we speak, isn’t he?” asked Alec and Magnus grinned.

 

“You bet,” said Magnus and started cracking up again as he saw Alexander writing back a reply.

 

**Alec: 😈😈😈😈😈**

**Lorenzo:** _ I beg you a pardon? _

**Alec:** _ Not so brave anymore, are we?  _ 😈😈😈

**Lorenzo:** _ Tell me your name! _

**Alec:** _ So, you want your precious vases again, yes?  _ 🏺

**Lorenzo:** _ Of course!! _

**Alec.** _ Good. Then we can help each other out.  _ 🤣🤣

**Lorenzo:** _ Help? Me? Help you? I’d rather die, you thief! _

**Alec:** _ I’d better watch what I was saying if I were you. Just so you know I’m being serious.  _

 

Magnus then stood up and went over to vases, tipping them near the edge of the desk and then he snapped a few photos, which Alec then attached to the text and send them directly to Lorenzo, both Magnus and Alec laughing. “It’s so good to be bad,” said Alec. “I’m enjoying going dark,” he then said and Magnus snorted.

 

“So, you’re dark Alexander now?” asked Magnus.

 

“Yes, he better fear me,” said Alec and Magnus started laughing.

 

“Dork,” he said and placed a kiss on top of Alec’s lips, when Alec’s phone buzzed again and Lorenzo wasn’t so calm anymore. “What did he say now?” asked Magnus and Alec then opened up the text.

 

**Lorenzo:** _ You monster! You wouldn’t dare!!!  _

**Alec:** _ Oh, wouldn’t I?  _ 🤔

**Lorenzo:** _ Please!! These things are my life! What do you want? What are your terms? What is your goal? _

**Alec:** _ Justice  _ 😎

**Alec:** __ 🏺💥😈

**Lorenzo:** _ Stop!! I’ll do whatever you want just don’t hurt my babies!!! _

**Alec:** _ Splendid! Then let’s get to it! _

**Alec:** _ First task: I want you to send me a video of yourself hopping on one foot and saying ‘’I’m a dumb-dumb’’  _

 

“Alexander, what the actual fuck?” asked Magnus as he burst into laughter and Alec waggled his eyebrows.

 

“I’m evil,” said Alec. 

 

**Lorenzo:** _ No! I will do no such thing. I am prideful warlock. I have standards.  _

**Alec:** _ Oh, look, the pots just moved even closer to the edge of the desk  _ 😱.  _ I wonder what will happen if I push a bit more. _

**Alec:** 🏺💥😈

**Lorenzo:** _ So your plan is to embarrass me? Is that it? _

**Alec:** _ I knew you were a smart one! Exactly.  _ 😈😈😈😈

**Alec:** _ So… the video?  _ 😈😈😈

**Alec:** _ Don’t leave me waiting. My hands tend to move on my own when I’m bored. And the pots are right there in my reach. _

**Lorenzo:** _ Okay, fine I’ll do it.  _

 

“Oh my God,” exclaimed Magnus and then started giggling, while Alec was living for it. He was good at being bad. This was amazing! When Lorenzo would send him that video, Alec was going to make sure he’d store it away at some place nice and use it whenever he would annoy him or Magnus, because Alec was officially sick of Lorenzo getting on Magnus’ nerves, without Magnus even doing anything to him.

 

“Yes, see him crack,” said Alec and waggled his eyebrows. A few moments later, there indeed came a video. On it, there was Lorenzo, hopping on one leg, looking  _ very _ red in his face and pissed as hell. Oh, he indeed made sure to say  _ I’m a dumb-dumb  _ and for a few seconds, Magnus couldn’t breathe. He was laughing so hard that he couldn’t even breathe properly, while Alec was looking smug and proud as hell. That was… it was priceless and Alec was enjoying himself way too much. Suddenly, there came a new text, but it wasn’t from Lorenzo!

 

**Underhill:** _ Boss, why are you bullying Lorenzo?  _ 🤣

 

Alec narrowed his eyes and  then he read the text again. What the hell?

 

**Alec:** _ How do you know? Are you spying on me?  _ 😱😱😱😱

**Alec:** _ Wait a second, how do you know it was me?  _ 😱😱😱😱

**Alec:** _ What the hell??  _ 😱😱😱😱

**Underhill:** _ Well. Lorenzo texted me he was being bullied. He sent me screenshots and I immediately knew it was you.  _ 😂 😂 😂 😂 

**Alec:** _!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

**Alec:** _ Since when are you texting LORENZO??? _

**Alec:** _ Are you two friends?? Theo!! I thought we were friends  _ 😢😢😢.  _ Are you on his side now?? I thought you made good life choices! And now this? Who are you and what did you do to my friend??  _ 😢😢😢😢😢

**Underhill:** _ Chill! _

**Underhill:** _ It’s kinda a long story  _ 😰

**Alec:** _ Then shorten it  _ 😒

**Underhill:** _ Remember the party at the Institute last week? _

**Alec:** _ Yeah? _

**Underhill:** _ Well. After you and Magnus left to dance and I was busy waiting for Marcel, Lorenzo over here waltzed over to my table, drunk as hell, wanting company. I couldn’t just walk away  _ 😒

**Underhill:** _ Then I thought he’d leave after Marcel came, but no  _ 😒😒😒.  _ He stayed there for hours… talking and talking about himself. It was exhausting. And then the idiot me gave him my number, because I felt sorry for him that he was all alone. Big mistake  _ 🤦‍♂️

**Alec:** _ So you’re FRIENDS????? _ 🧐

**Underhill:** _ He thinks so  _ 😭

**Alec: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣**

**Alec:** _ Is what you get for being too nice. You should look up to me more. I’m fear, I’m evil. Muahahaha  _ 😈😈😈😈😈😈

**Underhill:** _ You’re about as evil as a litter of kittens  _ **🤣**

 

Alec narrowed his eyes and then cleared his throat.

 

**Alec:** _ That’s still pretty evil. We attack with cuteness  _ 😼😼😼😼

**Underhill:** _ Uh-huh _

**Underhill:** _ So, why the torture? _

**Alec:** _ He was mean to Magnus  _ 🔪

**Underhill:** _ Asshole. Break the pots!  _

**Alec:** _ Yeeeess  _ 😈😈😈

 

Eventually, Lorenzo figured it out that it was Alec texting him. Underhill decided to take pity on him (again) and tell him what happened. So, it was needless to say Lorenzo wasn’t too amused.

 

**Lorenzo:** _ Lightwood!! _

**Alec:** _ Oh, you’ve finally caught on. _

**Alec:** _ Though considering that Magnus is now in my lap, it’s more HARDwood!!  _ 😏

**Lorenzo:** _ I don’t care. _

**Lorenzo:** _ Give me back my stuff! _

**Alec:** _ Apologise to Magnus. Also promise you will never speak to him like that ever again. If you, I’ll make sure all Shado world will see those videos  _ 😈😈😈😈😈

**Lorenzo:** _ You’re a monster _

**Alec:** _ I’m evil  _ 😈😈😈😈

**Lorenzo:** _ The worst. _

**Lorenzo:** _ Fine. I’m sorry. I’ll try not to do it again. Now. Vases. Give. Me. Back.  _

 

Alec looked at Magnus’ whose stomach hurt from laughing too much. Magnus only nodded, telling Alec that it was okay and soon enough, the pots were safe and sound, again with Lorenzo, who spent a good few hours hugging and polishing them. Magnus just hugged his boyfriend tightly. “Thank you,” said Magnus and Alec waggled his eyebrows.

 

“Always ready to protect my future husband,” said Alec and happily kissed Magnus, who just laughed and shook his head, Alexander was just… amazing!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank u for reading  
> Leave a comment if u liked it 😻


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